Your Friendships Matter (Yes, Even Now)

When you're in a serious relationship, it's easy to let friendships slide. You're busy. Your partner is your default social companion. Making plans requires more effort than staying in. Before you know it, months have passed since you saw certain people, and your social world has shrunk to your partner plus a few couples you see together.

This is understandable. It's also a problem.

Friendships aren't a luxury. They're a need. And maintaining them, even when you're coupled up and busy, is worth the effort.

Why friendships matter

Your partner can't be everything to you. This isn't a criticism of your partner—it's just reality. No single person can fulfil every social and emotional need you have.

Friends give you something different. They know a different version of you—maybe the pre-relationship you, the work you, the you that emerges in certain contexts. They offer perspectives your partner doesn't have. They're a sounding board for things you might not want to talk about with your partner, including occasionally your partner themselves.

Friendships also make your relationship healthier. When you have other sources of connection and support, you put less pressure on the relationship to be everything.

And practically speaking, friendships are insurance. Relationships can end. People get sick, or travel, or become unavailable. If your partner is your only close relationship, you're in a vulnerable position.

Why they tend to fade

Understanding why friendships erode can help you prevent it.

Time is finite. Relationships take time, and that time has to come from somewhere.

Convenience wins. Seeing your partner requires no planning—they're right there. Seeing a friend requires coordination, travel, effort.

Couple socialising takes over. You start seeing "couple friends"—other pairs you hang out with as a foursome. This is fine, but it's not the same as your own friendships.

You forget to try. In the early days of a relationship, you're intentional about everything. Over time, things drift.

Keeping friendships alive

The fix is mostly about intention. Decide that friendships matter, and then act like it.

Schedule time with friends, and protect it. Put it in the calendar like you would any other commitment.

See friends solo sometimes. Couple socialising is great, but it's not a substitute for one-on-one time with your own friends.

Lower the bar for "catching up." You don't need a big dinner or a whole evening. A coffee, a walk, a quick lunch—these count too.

Use technology for distance. Text threads, voice notes, video calls—these aren't as good as in-person, but they're much better than nothing.

Be honest with yourself about which friendships matter. You can't maintain every friendship at the same intensity. Focus your limited energy on the people who really matter to you.

When your partner struggles with this

Sometimes one partner doesn't prioritise friendships, or has let theirs lapse entirely. They might then struggle with their partner having an active social life—feeling jealous of the time, or left out.

This needs addressing, but the solution isn't to shrink your own social world. That creates dependency, not security.

Talk about what's driving the discomfort. Encourage your partner to invest in their own friendships. Find a balance that works for both of you.

The long game

Friendships require maintenance, and maintenance is easy to skip when you're busy with everything else. But the investment pays off.

Good friends are there through relationship difficulties, career challenges, personal crises. They know your history. They give you perspective. They remind you who you are outside of your roles.

You'll be glad you kept them. Make the effort now.